I'm hanging out with my 3 best girlfriends and its great. My friend Co-Bin's house is awesome. The weather has been beautiful. I got to spend good time with my friend whose moving to Germany. It's good to be in St. Louis. I love this city.
It's incredibly hard to leave. And it's been painful because of that.
I've decided that I will see if my schedule gets better at work. If I have another meltdown, I will let my boss know I tried, but I have to move on. I could stay in Chicago a couple weeks to help my sister more and check out the city. I want to make the money if I can hold out, but it's not worth it if I hit the wall like I did Sunday.
Posted by kristen at October 19, 2005 10:37 PMWow. One month at work and you're ready to throw in the towel, huh? You've only been in Chicago what, two months? You just started your job a month ago.
We know, it's tough. We know, it's tearing you up. But you CHOSE this. You chose the move, you chose the job. And I still think you need to give it more time.
By your logic, I should totally drop out of graduate school already.
My sister moved to my parents' house in May when she graduated. The entire summer was hell for her, adjusting to her new job (nurse training all summer, THEN switching to nights when that ended in August). She had no friends there, is in a house with 5 kids under the age of 15, is lonely, 6 hours away from all her friends - you get the picture. But she's sucked it up and it's gotten better. She may still leave there sometime next year, but that will be - from the sounds of it - when she's fulfilled her one year contract with the hospital.
I left Disney after two weeks. I was 19. Would I do it again? No. I'd stick it out. At the time, however, it was right and it put me on the right course. Also, they hadn't told me they wouldn't guarantee any certain number of work hours, and I literally had no money and no financial support from my parents, who were flat broke at the time.
In Connecticut, the first three months were HELL. The oldest kid hated me, the aunt and the housekeeper were mean to me, I had no friends, and emails were few and far between. I went home at Christmas after being there two months, and yes, it was HARD. I know how that feels. I also went home at Easter and Memorial Day weekend. But after those first three months, things got better. It was the hardest thing in the world when I left there six years ago.
If you go to Mexico, how long is that commitment? Six months? A year? Wouldn't it be reasonable to stick it out in Chicago for at least as long as you would plan to be in Mexico (okay, if your plan is to be in Mexico a year, then maybe not that long - but you get the idea).
From what you've written in the past couple of months, it just doesn't seem you're giving this the chance you should.
And maybe I just don't understand. What, you had to work 4 10-hour shifts last week, on your feet, carrying stuff, etc., etc. Was that your most intense series of shifts? What, exactly, makes the cocktail waitressing so difficult? I know people who work 50-60 hours a week, and it doesn't sound like that's what you're doing.
You have a support system in IL - your sister and her family. You have a support system in StL, too, as you well know. I just think you're selling yourself short if you throw in the towel too soon.
Posted by: tanya at October 20, 2005 08:15 AMI disagree with previous person...I don't know you much, but I think you are young, free, unattached and why the hell stay in a bad situation? I was all for you going to your sisters and helping out b/c I know I could've use the help and would have loved it when mine were born. But let's face it, you have a degree, MULTIPLE talents (writing, singing, guitar etc etc) and you are waiting tables?! I totally understand why you got there, but I can see why you are miserable too! My personal opinion is this: If you really love STL, then look for a new job here, via Monster, STL today, etc. Branch out a bit to the surrounding areas too in your search. In the mean time continue to do what you are doing so you have some money coming in and a roof over your head. I spent so much time in jobs I hated and situations I hated, and for no good reason. I also was in situations like watching my dad die that I had no control over. My feeling now that I am a bit older and wiser is that there are so many bad situations (like death, illness etc) that you just HAVE to work through. So other bad situations,(like the one you are in) aren't really something you should stick out. Know what I mean? You are in control of this situation, follow your heart and unless you think God is trying to show you something, move on and find happiness! Life is too short!! Goodluck!
Posted by: anon at October 20, 2005 10:21 AMHey Kritter!
Haven't read everything you have posted on the blog, but it seems as though you have moved and done some changes in your life - which is very good! I hope you are still doing your music because you are very talented. Perhaps life is trying to stir you towards a much greater purpose that may not yet be clear to you, but in time it will. George Harrison said it best "if you don't know where you are going, every road will take you there" so, it doesn't matter where you are at, or what you are doing, as long as you have health you can do anything you want. Happiness is a choice, not an objective. You have freedom to do whatever you want and to go wherever you want. I don't know if you are playing out or not - but I strongly encourage you to pick up your guitar and play anywhere and everywhere. You don't need a band, engineer, promoter, agent...just you. You have a talent that should be shared.This time in your life should be looked at as an OPPORTUNITY to do just what you dream of doing, without thinking of how hard or consequential it could be. The hard thing to do is often the right thing to do.
Anyways, i am not much of a blogger - so you know how to get in touch with me.
take care! I like the picture of you rocking with the guitar!
Hm. Interesting.
Tanya, I understand all that you are saying and one big point more than certainly applies. I have to suck it up. And I have been trying very unsuccessfully. However, there are differences in your stories and mine. I never intended to be up here more than a couple months. I always said 1 to 6, but always thought around 3. I got this job because it felt like the only one I could get for the late hours I needed and make some money. I came up here strictly to help my sister. If possible, a side reward would be living somewhere free and making money. That's what I am trying to do. I got into the only "decent" field I could think of where I could work late, make good money and leave quickly.
I always planned to be here, stay a mos with my parents, be back in St. Louis a little while and hopefully head to the March 28th ITTO session. The dates were never solidified but they are getting there now.
Anon, thanks for your comments.
Adrian, what's up babe! I see your e-mails! Playing around Miami. Awesome. Right now, I am not really playing at all. It's sad. But I am just gearing up to rectify that. I plan to spend some of that time in the QC learning some fresh covers, finishing a new song or two. Right now until then, I am going to try to get to some open mics but then I hope to hit the scene when I get back to Stl. Play open mics until I can book some real gigs. Fingers crossed!
Posted by: Kristen at October 20, 2005 04:27 PM