~ Kommentary by Kritter ~

kristen,

it sounds like a great song, but given all your concerns, i think you would be best leaving it off the CD at this point in your life.

must run to lunch! - tanya

Oh no. Wait, must make clear that I am not deleting the song from the CD. I have already decided that much. I just can't do it. I am more asking whether or not I should try to replace the expletives and whether anyone has ideas for how...
I DO thank you for your honest opinion though.

I don't really know you, but I'm of the school that you need to do things for you. However, while I can see the poetic necessity of the expletive in the first line, the second seems a little superfluous and if you lost it, I think it takes the edge off a little.

On the other hand, I didn't find the lyrics that offensive.

I'd leave it. People hear far worse on the radio.

It is a fantastic song. The words are beautiful. My thoughts are if you are worried that people you know, love and associate with are going to be upset by your choice of words, and that in turn upsets YOU, then I think you have your answer. It's not about censoring yourself, it is more about waiting until the right time.

keep the lyrics as is.

my parishoners don't have far to look to find hole boy, which i'm sure some people would find offensive (especially the VOID poem). i also use a lot of language on my blog that i would NEVER use in church or at school. i can get even racier when i comment on other people's blogs and message boards.

i don't apologize for any of it.

what your church and your family have to realize is that there's more than just one side to you. you wear different hats for different arenas.

if they don't like certain aspects of that side of you, then that's their right (and their loss). they can skip the track when they play it. but don't censor yourself. it'll make it a lesser song.

I think we need to hear the song. Post an mp3. :)

I love the lyrics. And I agree with c2, you have many different sides and people should realize/understand that. You go girl!

Keep it the way it is.

Now I'm curious and want to hear it.

I have it on CD, but do not know how to turn it into an Mp3 and post it. Plus, because the CD isn't done, I am worried about copywright. I guess I should have thought of that before I posted the lyrics. Anyway, thank you all for your encouragement. It means a lot.

Still Kathie, "people SHOULD" realize and understand, but that simply doesn't mean they will.

I am guessing that putting the cd out w/ & w/o the song is not an option. If it was, that would be my suggestion - 1) Explicit Lyrics 2) safe for all ages

Sounds like a good song to me as is - but I understand your concerns - considering it is your first cd and many people that will buy it and support you would be offended by it, is using the word fuck twice worth it to you to have to explain yourself to people b/c well it sounds like you would and it doesn't sound like you would feel very proud of your song when you did and you should always feel proud of it. Like you said ultimately, it will depend which is more important to you.

simple changes that probably do not have the same effect as you are going for but may be able to help you think of an acceptable alternative if you decide to go that route:
Well it's a messed up thing
Oh man or damn man (damn may still be sortof offending but not as offending as fuck IMO)

Of course I thought of "messed up thing" but it doesn't sound very good and I can't think of any other options...

I just don't think you should change it for anyone. It's your song, your art, the word 'fuck' really descibes the way you were feeling when you wrote it (and maybe everytime you sing it)

I figured you probably had, if I think of anything else I will post it for you.
Good luck!

Hey, how about hard-knock? Hee hee. Sorry, couldn't resist. Just don't change it to "knocked-up", which would Change the meaning completely :P

In all seriousness... I've heard both versions of the song and I'd argue the expletives are not what surprised me about the piece (it was rather the personal nature, shall we say). If you're keeping the song anyway, there's no sense diluting it!

"screwed up" maybe. I think even if you change that word the song is still racy as is so be aware that a word change may not fix the problem.

I guess there are a few things you should consider or ask:

-- parental warning label. so people know to skip it or are aware that it's there

-- vision for the album. what is the overall theme? would this flow with the album or are the swearing and lyrics not the same as most of the songs.

-- audience. who is going to buy this? people at church at work or are you going to be going for a wider audience such as record labels or showcases?

I would suggest you take this question over the velvetrope.com. I think there is a subsection on their message board for advice. Lots of industry types that may have dealt with this before and have a better idea than the rest of us.

As for copyright, for now just make sure you point a note on the song and lyrics that says "Copyrighted by Kristen Foht" which should cover you for now. again, check out velvetrope.com -- they have had some good posts about formally copyrighting material.

This sounding sooooo good!

There's 'fouled up'. "The damnedest thing" would also scan, if you think you can get away with damn.

I second "oh man", or "Hey, Man", or "Damn, man"

Take this FWIW, but the second usage feels the most out of place - the most unnecessary. I taught religious school for a year and feared a student or parent would hear some of my poetry, so I know from where you come. I have no problem with foul language when its used to make a point, or is central to characterization. Though a religious school teacher isn't necessarily in the same position as a music minister.

From thesaurus.com: some of the other words for messed up - mucked up (sounds like an old word to me, but sound wise can't get much closer to fucked up and mean the basic same thing), tangled up, unsettled which I would change to unsettling. Unsettling from thesaurus.com - discomforting, disturbing, perplexing.

anyway, without hearing the song I wouldn't know the flow...

Yeah, that's the issue ie. Flow. Most of those would just sound awful in the song. Sigh. I oughtta tell you guys some of the other lyrics I already changed, but I am afraid to post the original version. LOL.

I have changed some of my songs so many times it's just stupid. Now that I've had a few months away from them again, I will go back and change them again soon. However, I change tone and looping and sequence. I would never change the feel or the idea of the song I am working on. I don't think you should change the song for one simple reason: You love it the way it is. THAT is what is important. When I get a song sounding the way I want, I will not change it. I agree that by just looking at the lyrics that the second use of fuck seems odd, but by your enthusiasm, I assume that it is probably good for the song when heard. Reading lyrics only gives a slight glimpse of a song. You have to hear it to get the full experience. If you want help converting to mp3, let me know and I can help you. It's pretty easy.

Now then... my view of your concerns:
1. My parents hated my music growing up so it only makes sense that they won't like it now. Their opinion does not correspond with my audience. Also, who names their kid Bristy? The poor kid is probably screwed up from that already. A song won't push her over the edge. Besides, if she listens to 105.7 the Point she has heard MUCH worse. And they play many songs where they still haven't gotten around to screening out the word fuck. I hear it all the time.

2. Again, ex-military guy is probably not your demographic. Your niece probably is. Older community members probably won't remember what they heard anyway. And they've probably already all listened to the far worse lyrics of Alanis Morrisette.

3. If work takes issue then they aren't much in the way of people are they? It could cause problems if you have some psycho who is looking for a reason to hurt your career but that is pretty doubtful.

Seriously? Bristy? Wow. Anyway, you gotta do what you feel is right but in my opinion you should leave the way that you want it to be heard. Changing it on the CD and playing it how you feel in public is merely a compromise. Do you want to compromise with your expression of art?

Vince, no harsh feelings here but...
My other niece's names are Myka, Krianna and Elena. If you have a fucking problem with that I will kick your ass. I love each of them with all my heart. Bristy is an amazing young lady who is as unique and beautiful as her name. You should be more careful criticizing family on a person's blog. Now, I am not actually mad at you, but you SHOULD be more careful, really.

Thanks for your thoughts though. Seriously, no hard feelings. And oh yeah, Bris isn't from around here so she hasn't listened to 105.7, but I am sure she has heard worse all over.

And no, I don't want to compromise my expression of art. I don't. So much to think about. Gosh. Thanks to all of you for your thoughts!

Wow- I probably just freaked a bunch of people out. But nothing is more important to me than family. And yes, it is a weird name that they made up, but I have had over 16 years to get used to it.

I am what I think you think I am...
(or)
You are what you think the rest of us think you are...

I don't know you either, but you sound like a beautiful person--very deep, funny if not comical, and talented beyond your years. To wax philosophical: it's fascinating how we all want to do the right thing...and inevitably hurt someone in the process. The ones who are hurt and realize it was truth pricking their hearts get over it and generally assimilate to it; the ones who are hurt by it because it was not the truth get over it eventually...but they steer clear.

Didn't answer your question, perhaps, but your 'dilemma' induces a lot of thought all around, as evidenced by all the posts.

p.s. I'd listen to it at least once =)

Sorry this is so long, but those of you who know me, know that I can't possibly write a short message!

I can see how this is a hard decision for you. There is a lot to consider. Music is a work of art, and you wouldn't want to change it to make other's happy. But at the same time, your reputation is somewhat at stake. You have to worry about what others will think. Most of your friends and family will support you no matter what. That is what friends and family are for. But it is the other people that are more of a concern.

Do you think that the people at church and work will object so much that you could lose your job?

Will their opinion change of you?
(What opinion do you want them to have of you?)

I know as a high school teacher, I have to watch what I do in my personal life, because other teachers have lost their jobs over things in their personal lives. There are things that I wouldn't do now, because if I did, I would lose the respect of my students, and I could lose my job.

When I go out with friends, I have to watch how I behave, because my students do see me as a role model. I have had students do things that aren't appropriate, and their reasoning is that they thought it was okay, because they saw a teacher, or their parents, etc. do it.

So I guess my response to you is how do you want Bristy to view you? What about the students in your district, and the kids who look up to you at church? Do you want this to be a cd that they can listen to? Do you want them to be able to brag about it to their friends.

I know that kids hear this stuff all the time, but there are warnings on most of the labels now. Do you want the kids in your life, to be able to buy your cd?

I think that the song is great. I like the words, and your right, another word won't have the same impact. How much is that impact worth to you?

I am not saying that I am against you leaving the song the way it is. I just think that what you have to consider, is who is your audience going to be?
And what is your audience going to think?

ah Jaime made a great point -- how do you want to be perceived? do you mind having parents listen to this and be pissed that you are ministering to their kids? would you want your 16-year-old daughter hanging out with you after listening to something like that? are you making this CD for you, others be damned, or do you want it to reach the largest audience with your message?

btw, Bristy is a bit of a weird name but I read her blog occasionally and love it. I wish I could be 16 again. and I wish my name wasn't so bland.

I love the name Bristy. I thought that it was very different at first, but it really is beautiful!

As a fellow songwriter, I understand where you're coming from. You know I've written songs (you probably haven't heard most of them) that are not the kind of thing I want my kid hearing. Why? Because I want to be a good role model for him. So there lies the dilemma: to be a good role model demands that you change certain things you would do. Is it more important to express your uninhibited sexual desires to everyone?

Certain songs are for me. I still love them and can play them, but I don't need an artifact floating around out there telling a girl that I'll die if I don't get in her pants ASAP. That's the issue for me, not the two "fucks". If it was me (and it's not) I'd keep the song to myself, so I can choose where and when to play it. That way your niece, for example, won't pull out your cd with her friends and say, "listen to this horny song my aunt wrote," while your on your way taking them to Mass.

There are definitely worse songs on the radio. But someone like Britney Spears doesn't care if Bristy or Micah are easily influenced by the people they look up to. They care about exerting their sexuality, shocking people and creating an image of themselves.

But this is me, who has a child who will be listening to a modified burned copy of your cd until he is 18, if you decide to keep the song on. Happy choosing. Good luck!

Just slap one of those "Parental Advisory" stickers on the front, that'll take care of the whole mess.

But seriously, here are a couple thoughts:
-Your nieces/newphew will eventually run in to this word, or even experience something like this themselves somewhere down the line, this would give you a chance to explain it to them. And I'm sure your Mom would forgive you eventually. I don't like the idea of sheltering children. For instance, keeping kids away from the tv. What happens when they go away to college, on their own, and their roommate brings in a tv, and the kid is so enthralled by it that she/he never goes to class? You could also replace tv with just about anything in this case too...
-Having said that, I personally like your idea of changing the words on the album, but singing it how you want if you played it live. I think both words could be changed pretty easily and not affect the song. It's still pretty powerful. It wouldn't be the words that move me, but the way you sing them. If there is passion in what you're singing, it wouldn't matter whether you said "fuck" or "darn".

Sorry Kristen, you don't know me well enough yet to understand my humor. Especially not in type. I wasn't trying to actually make fun of your niece's name, but to try and put the idea of what will affect her in a different perspective. It came across wrong in print. Otherwise you have my opinions above. Good luck making the choice.

I am also of the mind that the song should be kept to yourself. You know my reasons. But I have one question: Does Bristy read your blog? If so, everything about what she will think of the song is moot already.

I am all for sheltering children from certain things. This is a difficult balancing act that changes as a child gets older, develops more independence and greater understanding of certain issues.

One of the things I am for sheltering is confusing messages from people who volunteer to be role models. That is why our son wouldn't be listening to your song until he is older, Kristen. If a racey song comes on the radio, it would be an opportunity for Malissa (my wife) and I to talk to him about what the song is saying. But the person singing the song would not be the Godmother of our son, like Kristen is. The role of a Godparent in our opinion is someone who is an example of our faith in all areas of life, not just at special occasions or holidays.

I don't think our son will make it to the age of five without hearing the word 'fuck', but we'd rather he not hear it from his Godmother. And that goes for the orgasmic moaning and groaning, as well.

how about the edited version earlier in the cd, then the "adult" version at the end. either listed or as a "hidden" track. maybe with something goofy like a track of silence before hand called "the end of the silence" or the "quiet before the storm". oh stop me already...

Try this. Changed fucked to jacked. Change fuck to Wow or Whoa. Play with it. See how it sounds.