I am writing to officially pat myself on the back for my performance on Saturday night.
It was like another Kristen took over my body. I actually initiated flirting with someone at a bar and followed through to giving my phone number. Now I can guarantee that this will amount to nothing, but it was fun AND a huge feat for me. It's like I have an inability to flirt with strangers. Now, if it is someone I have some sort of connection to and I want to turn my game on, Boy better watch OUT! But I've always been embarrassingly bad at the whole go-to-a-bar-and-pick-someone-up thing. Not that I even kissed the guy. But that's o'kay. I am waiting to see if I will get to kiss the person I really want to kiss. Patience is a virtue, right? Then again, why is it that when it comes to someone I really really like, this stranger inability morphs into shyness? I guess because in that case, it really matters to me and I don't want to mess up. Why is it that no matter how old a person gets, the beginning of a relationship can still be so junior high? ~Sigh~
Posted by kristen at March 15, 2004 02:42 PM | TrackBackAnd to all the guys who are wondering just who Kristen wants to kiss, yes it *IS* you!
Posted by: julia at March 15, 2004 03:26 PMREALLY? cool! I mean, I thought she was into me but wasn't sure. Now I have hope!
Posted by: Orlando Bloom at March 15, 2004 04:28 PMOrlando, back off! She's mine. I mean, I'm married and all but let's ignore that.
Posted by: Brad Pitt at March 15, 2004 04:29 PMOrlando! Brad! How DARE you cheat on me with my best friend?
Posted by: julia at March 15, 2004 05:04 PMDamn't! I was really talking about Johnny!
Posted by: Kristen at March 16, 2004 07:47 AMDon't worry about seeming like junior high. My brother (the one who just got divorced) is starting to hook up with a new woman and emailed me and my sister yesterday with "You guys!! She likes me!!" ha ha ha. And they're 31.
Posted by: Kristi at March 16, 2004 10:24 AMOrlando, you're great and all, but you heard the woman. Savvy? Run along and play now...
Posted by: Johnny Depp at March 16, 2004 10:31 AMWait just one minute. I want in on this action too. Johnny, I'll swordfight you for her.
Posted by: Viggo Mortensen at March 16, 2004 10:45 AMIf there's to be swordfighting, I will leave Joanna and join the battle for Kristen's heart.
I love Kristen well.
Posted by: Llewellyn Fawr at March 16, 2004 11:01 AMOh my Llewellyn!
Posted by: Kristen at March 16, 2004 11:04 AMUh, listen Dude-from-the-12th-century, I don't know how you wound up here, but ok. You know what you're doing, I'll give you that. Excellent form. But how's your footwork?
Posted by: Johnny Depp at March 16, 2004 11:08 AMI, uh, don't mean to sound rude, but with all due respect Mr. Depp, I believe the "Johnny" Kristen was referring to was none other than myself. Class, wit, a decent haircut. All this can be yours Kristen, or you can go with a guy who lives in France, wears make-up and plays with his sword. (Ed liked that last one) The ball is in your court, my dear.
Posted by: Johnny Carson at March 16, 2004 11:24 AMCome on, Kristen! Carson is like 80 years older than you! I'm only 14 years older than you! And uh, forget that I'm *practically* married too.
Posted by: Johnny Depp at March 16, 2004 12:14 PMOh honestly. All this swordfighting is such a bloody waste of time.
Kristen my love, Michael Vaughn and Will Tippin were going to come and fight for your hand, but I used my plasma-charge bomb to take care of them.
I'd be happy to do the same for any other suitors who are bothering you.
Posted by: Julian Sark at March 16, 2004 12:17 PMSark, you swore you wouldn't steal the lovely and talented Kristen from me!
You know what I do to double-crossers. I suggest you watch your back, or I'll tell Lauren that you're cheating on her.
Kristen, dear, let's have dinner. I know a lovely place in downtown Geneva.
Posted by: Sloane at March 16, 2004 01:01 PMI see the Covenant and that scum bag Sloane have managed to infiltrate this message board.
Kristen, I'll choke them for you! And this time, I won't have a defibulator handy.
Call me on my secure line to discuss our weekend plans.
Posted by: Jack Bristow at March 16, 2004 01:05 PMOh my gosh! The cast of Alias is here!!! SpyDaddy, is Vaughn really dead?
Posted by: Kristen at March 16, 2004 01:19 PMMichael Vaughn is just a boy who was never good enough for you!
Posted by: Jack Bristow at March 16, 2004 01:22 PMKristen, mayhap we should inform these so-called spies that you'd like to kiss a man who Isn't Fictional. Who actually killed people with his sword and proved mighty in battle.
(And Johnny: I am indeed unbelievably spry and flexible for a 900-year old. Get thee back to your eyeliner.)
Posted by: Llewellyn Fawr at March 16, 2004 01:39 PMHey GrandPops. Uh, you might want to re-think your e-mail address because it is in fact me that the ladies refer to when they say "homeboy." If you need proof, then look at the sign in the Central West End. That is all. Love, Llelo.
Posted by: Llywelyn ap Gruffudd at March 16, 2004 01:47 PM*practically wets herself*
Posted by: neryssa at March 16, 2004 01:50 PMOkay, Mr. 900-year-old, let THIS be the day that you almost caught Captain Jack Spar--uh... I mean me. Yeah.
Posted by: Johnny Depp at March 16, 2004 01:55 PMah..my dear Ms. Kristen. Please beg your awareness to the fact that I dearly love you with all my heart and, unlike said Alias suitors on ABC, I was on the more classy PBS and BBC. Do tell me you love me and I will grant thee a kiss.
Posted by: Mr. Darcy at March 16, 2004 01:58 PMAlas! The pubs aren't named after me? But King John promised!
Kristen my fair, comfort thy brave prince with a kiss!
Posted by: Llewellyn Fawr at March 16, 2004 02:07 PMKristen mi amore. I came as quickly as I could but I was held up by banditos in Mejico. I will deal with these muchachos if they are bothering you with my sawed-off pistols. These, how you say, "Alias" spies would get a lot more done if they just walk in a room with guns blasting. Works for me every time.
Posted by: Antonio Banderas at March 16, 2004 02:16 PMDear, silly granddad! You actually *believed* a promise from King John? For shame!
Posted by: Llywelyn ap Gruffudd at March 16, 2004 02:24 PMYou're one to talk Llelo. Which one of us here WAS LURED INTO A DEATHTRAP by an English King? Eh? Eh?
Posted by: Llewellyn Fawr at March 16, 2004 02:28 PMOh Antonio, my forever love, I am torn between the past and the future. I can't bear to choose amongst so many beautiful men. I am afraid it will have to be a fight to the death. Please watch out for gorgeous, deadly Sark. He has a plasma bomb and has already killed two men I adore!
Posted by: Kristen at March 16, 2004 02:29 PMYeah? At least I didn't find my wife in bed with another man! (Hm. I wonder if I have crossed a line...)
Posted by: Llywelyn ap Gruffudd at March 16, 2004 02:32 PM"Forever love???" Kristen! I am so hurt. I thought I was. I mean, you mentioned me first, and then you... *sigh* Oh well. Antonio, did you bring me anymore of that wonderful slow-roasted pork?
Posted by: Johnny Depp at March 16, 2004 02:34 PMWho is this Sark? I will take care of him for you, my darling. (cocks gun) His plasma bomb does not frighten me. He will have to deal with my guitar case of death.
Posted by: Antonio Banderas at March 16, 2004 02:42 PMWell see, Johnny, I have had a crush on Antonio for longer. But that might not mean it is stronger. Oh I am so terribly confused!
Posted by: Kristen at March 16, 2004 02:42 PMKristen chica. You know you've loved me passionately since last summer. And anyway all these other fools have nowhere near as much money as I do, nor do they compare when it comes to the size of their biceps.
Posted by: Albert Pujols at March 16, 2004 03:01 PMExcuse me, Mr. Pujols, but I believe I speak for my whole team when I say that Kristen professed her undying love for us not too long ago. Our team challenges YOUR team to a brawl.
Posted by: Keith Tkachuk at March 16, 2004 03:38 PMKeith, um, I like the Blues and all, but I barely know you. Go away.
Posted by: Kristen at March 16, 2004 03:41 PMWant me to guitar-case him? I have a flame-thrower.
Posted by: Antonio Banderas at March 16, 2004 03:56 PMNever mind all that, Antonio. I'm just waiting for all the suitors to gather before I use my plasma bomb.
What I want to know, however, is why Kristen was too frightened to tell Mr. Sloane exactly what she thinks of him.
Posted by: Julian Sark at March 16, 2004 04:01 PMKristen, mon amour. Vous êtes plus magnifiques qu'une mouffette magestic noire et blanche. J'aime votre belle odeur, mon petit chou.
Posted by: Pepe le Peu at March 16, 2004 06:06 PM