Advanced Search

c is for...

christian cosas. cabeza caliente. censorship opponent. charming. cheap date. cheesy. closet trekkie. cluttered. computer geek. con artist. conspicuous. contrapuntal improviser. cook. cornball. cretin. cryptic.

<< | HOME | >>

December 14, 2007

Dear Santa 2007

: Character :

Remember this old Maneater tradition we did a few years ago? Forgot to do it last year. That’s okay, because I made my list longer this year to make up for it.

Dear Santa,

I have not been exceedingly naughty. But, lest that serve as an impediment to your normal generosity, I should remind you about a compromising video in my hot little hands involving you, Larry Craig, Monsignor Alan Placa, Ted Haggard, four elves, and a certain red-nosed reindeer. Out of curiosity, just how did you manage to fit everybody and a whole camera crew into a single bathroom stall? That was really impressive.

Anyway, the list:

  • Obama and/or McCain in the White House. Ron Paul would be halfway interesting, too.
  • Cheney and Rumsfeld in the Hague. Or, even better, sleep-deprived and waterboarded for about a solid week.
  • In the spirit of bipartisanship, why not throw Hillary Clinton and Michael Moore in there too.
  • A working master bathroom toilet.
  • A 24-inch 2.8Ghz iMac with 4GB RAM, 1TB HD, and Logic Pro and Adobe Creative Suite 3 preinstalled.
  • A contract with Sony Records.
  • A publishing deal with either GIA or OCP.
  • A second generation iPhone, complete with GPS, 3G, unlocked to work with T-Mobile, miniature coffee maker, and nano masseuse.
  • Vatican III. I really mean it. I mean, a few months ago before a memorial service, some insane rad-trad berated me for ten minutes about Gregorian chant. You’re at least putting coal in his stocking, right?
  • Brand new black MacBook.
  • More time to get all my crap done.
  • A lifetime of free Fuddrucker’s burgers.
  • A few cases of a really fantastic Cabernet Sauvignon.
  • More basses in my choir. Thank you for all the altos and tenors this year. Need more basses now.
  • A nice, cat-friendly retired greyhound.
  • A lovely, stress-free wedding planning period for Gina H. and Will L.
  • A Wii. Oh, and Big Brain Academy: Wii Degree. And a bigger brain so I can kick my wife’s ass. Or at least, like, tie her.

Love,
c2

Posted by c2 at 10:24 AM • Permalink • Print this entry • Comments (4) • Trackbacks (0)

comments

  1. in your 11/30 post, you were looking for a hand grenade that you never found. That’s b/c you misplaced it here in item #2. grin

    even if I agreed with your assessment on the evil of Cheney/Rumsfeld, I would not want to submit 1 tiny iota of US sovereignty over it to the trans-national clown college that is the International Court at the Hague.

    *boom*

    Posted by Jim Daues on 12/15/07 at 02:16 PM

  2. Re the next-to-last item: Aw, shucks. Thanks! :D I’m going to go do my own list now.

    Posted by Gina H. on 12/17/07 at 06:14 PM

  3. Methinks we need to move to St.L and hang out at your house. That way I can help drink your cab sav and J. and I can kick Greg’s and your butts at Wii Big Brain Academy.

    They won’t play trivial pursuit w. me any more. I’ve crushed them too many times. smile

    Oh, and soooo with you on Vatican III. And Obama.

    Posted by SherrieM. on 12/20/07 at 12:21 PM

  4. Argh! I totally should’ve done this. There were definitely a few things I would want on my list from there.

    Posted by jenny on 01/10/08 at 10:21 PM

Commenting is not available in this weblog entry.

trackbacks

Trackbacks have been disabled for this blog